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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
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Via whatsapp

 

Son: Dad who is Mr Xi Jingping ?

 

Father: He is chinese president.

 

Son: then Who is the original president ?

 

******

 

A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his “Old chap standing to attention”.

 

The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him.

 

However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he was willing to take the risk.

 

The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant’s trunk into his 'old fella'.

 

The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear.

 

So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.

 

A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.

 

As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his “old chap” sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.

 

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, ‘That was incredible! Can you do that again?'

With tears in his eyes he replied, ‘I think I can, but I'm not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse’...

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