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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
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Two Brits were about to walk into a bar.

 

First: "Let's not go in there. Everyone will make fun of us."

Second: "Relax! I saw an American walk in about a minute ago."

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True story.
Dad took a part-time job at a trucking company where "Jake" (about 20 years younger than Dad) worked full-time. They didn't run into each other at first because Dad usually worked weekends and Jake weekdays. But eventually they encountered one another in the break room.
Dad took one look at Jake, pointed at him, and announced to the room "I came home one night and found this character in bed with my wife, sucking on her tit." The room got dead quiet. Everyone was stunned.
Finally someone asked "What did you do?" With a grin, Dad said "Nothing. He was only two months old."

 

 

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The Internet is a strange place - we've all come to accept this fact even though we don't always realise exactly how weird the online world really is. But one of the strangest corners of the Web is the listings site Craigslist, where you can find people who have Pope Hats to sell, and someone who will pay for you to soak in pasta.OLX and Quikr are battling out to be India's answer to Craigslist, and so we wondered how weird these sites get. Pretty weird, it turns out, and here are just 10 of the strange things we saw being sold online:

 

1. A film screenplay

Rs. 4,00,000

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Asking for merely four lakhs, the seller of this script is based in Mumbai - where else - and at 125 pages, you are paying Rs. 3,200 per page for the work of someone who hasn't bothered to proof read his own ad. We'd say proceed at your own risk, but honestly, if you're thinking of buying this, we'd like to meet you first.

Best line of the ad: "Best Screenplay to but if you are eyeing film festivals."

 

2. Driver, with auto

Rs. 1,80,000

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We're pretty sure that it's illegal to buy and sell people in India - even online. This enterprising young man in Buxar in Bihar seems to be looking for a patron to fund his transportation business, because you can buy his auto, with driver, for Rs. 1,80,000.

Best line of the ad: "Tampooo.driver.condetion good"

 

3. Cow, with son

Rs. 20,000

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Livestock is a surprisingly popular category on OLX - the ads that focus on selling off old phones and furniture might be missing an opportunity here. You can get cows for a range of seemingly affordable prices and there are a lot to choose from - even if you limit the ads to ones with pictures, you're still left with over 500. This one is our favourite though, because it shows a seller who doesn't want to split a family apart, though he seems a little confused about the gender of his stock. How was he getting that milk?

Best line of the ad: "Cow with his son."

 

4. Stud (labrador)

Rs. 8,000

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Have you heard of Dogs House Windstar Ring Killer? That is apparently the (very long) name of a "famous and good producer dog" in Nashik, and if you have Rs. 8,000 to spare, his owners will mate him with your female lab - if they pass an approval process, during which we can only imagine Dogs House Windstar Ring Killer handing them forms to be filled in triplicate, with letters of reference and a government photo ID.

Best line of the ad: "We accept cash basis OR puppy basis."

 

5. Money for nothing

Rs. 2,000

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We're not surprised to see this listing come in from Delhi. Apparently, you can spend Rs. 2,000 to earn Rs. 20, because the notes have "lucky" serial numbers. We suppose owning those notes could be considered lucky - because if someone actually buys them then the person who had them just made an easy Rs. 1,980 profit.

Best line of the ad: "Lucky number 594183"

 

6. Voodoo spells

Price not declared

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This seller has a voodoo spell available in Mumbai that can bind more than one person together - a love spell to ensure that the people you care about stay together forever. Which would be very awkward when it's time to go to the bathroom but we won't judge.Unfortunately, the seller hasn't put a price on love and so we can't tell you what this will cost you, but there's a "professor" in the contact email ID, which has to be reassuring, right?

Best line of the ad: "Binding people together is the major task which can be done well with voodoo magic because it has been like this since slave trade error."

Edited by mohit9206
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