Dragunov_72 Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave say's, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw ... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f***k is that on the balcony with Dave?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragunov_72 Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 I love this one In a restaurant in the 20th floor of a building, a lady approached the bar and wanted to start a conversation with the man next to her. "What's that you're drinking?" "Magic beer. Wanna see?" "Sure!" The man drank half a mug in one gulp, blinked twice, ran towards the window, jumped and flew circling the building and went back in, sat back next to the lady. "Wow, that was impressive! bartender, can I have one of this magic beer please." The lady drank half a mug of her magic beer in one gulp, blinked her eyes twice, ran towards the window, jumped, experienced 0g for a few seconds and splat on the ground below! The bartender stared at the guy who is half-smiling. "You know you're an a**hole when you're drunk, Superman." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragunov_72 Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits UP and sees his clothing laid out next to him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order. Spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind . You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Last night, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to pull your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!'" Broken furniture - $185.26 Hot Breakfast - $4.20 Red Rose bud -$3.00 Two Aspirins -$.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time.........PRICELESS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragunov_72 Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see a well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates." Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your a*s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xeno Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 (edited) u got rick rolled-DA INDIAN STYE!!!! ROFLMAO METAL FTW!!!! Edited April 17, 2008 by ΧëÑØ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zen Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 (edited) has anyone actually seen the 2 girls 1 cup video? cant seem to find itpeace do you realllyyy wanna see it..if you do..follow the george clooney story some guy has posted a link to the video. Edited April 18, 2008 by zen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
argruid Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 I had never heard of this game before. called tattoo assassins. supposedly tons of fatalities, but have a look at this video. Most of them are absolutely ridiculous. And the premise of the game is hilarious too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Achieved_Nirvana Posted April 19, 2008 Report Share Posted April 19, 2008 BioShock's repurcussions! :rofl2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThreeKingdomsEra Posted April 20, 2008 Report Share Posted April 20, 2008 Too bad its true . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john117 Posted April 20, 2008 Report Share Posted April 20, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarketTantrik Posted April 20, 2008 Report Share Posted April 20, 2008 ^^ Superb !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThreeKingdomsEra Posted April 20, 2008 Report Share Posted April 20, 2008 I have a link to a (IMHO) funny slideshow (kinda , its a picture that keeps shifting to another picture , a loop actually , don't know how to explain it) . But at one point , the f-word is there . I think its just one , can I or can't I ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Achieved_Nirvana Posted April 21, 2008 Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 ^ Well, the F word has been used on a few occasions on gifs and jpgs. For example, just the one above your post. But I guess the Moderators/Administrators should be able to tell us whether it is OK or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john117 Posted April 21, 2008 Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 ^^ Superb !! hey MT can i add this gif to my signature ... plzzzzzz.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lastAvenger Posted April 21, 2008 Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 This joke is recommended for 18+ A woman went to a Tesco service counter and told the assistant she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The assistant told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special offer. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!' The shocked assistant ran away to get the store manager In front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks, 'Madam what's wrong?' She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special offer. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!' Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd! In shock, the Tesco manager pleads, 'Madam, why are you saying that?' In a huff, the woman says, 'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!' The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayush12ice Posted April 21, 2008 Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 hehehehe ROFL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GamerZ-Cloud Strife Posted April 21, 2008 Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 Here is a shirt for women that feel they have to vie for their man's attention against the 360: So..how many r u buying for ur GF's???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ΨΨ babloos ΨΨ Posted April 21, 2008 Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarketTantrik Posted April 21, 2008 Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 Merging with Jokes thread. Avinash, use some common sense before creating new threads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThreeKingdomsEra Posted April 22, 2008 Report Share Posted April 22, 2008 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihHT4sqvPwY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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