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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
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50 cents twitter account here. Includes gems such as -

 

You know me and george bush was born on the same day july6. Speaking of birthdays everybody on twitter should send me just 1 dollar cool?

about 1 hour ago via ÜberTwitter

 

sh*t I should run america. first thing I'd do is cut my taxes then tell yal chill the f**k out ima get to the rest of the problems

about 1 hour ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Obamas ratings are down cause he didn't include pimpin and hoein in stimulus package. Good hoes would boost male moral and fix the recession

about 1 hour ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Again. I'm only telling you this in case I *beep* you up you should know why

about 1 hour ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Man I remember niggas jump me comin home from school. I was f**ckin this n**** up till his friends came. I had to fight 4 of them suckers

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

I'm strapped motherf**ker I'm strapped! I got my peace on me now I wish a n**** would f**k wit me

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Ok look this aint twitter no more this the hood. And if any of you motherf**ker say somthing crazy ima shoot the sh*t outta you

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

My aunt sylvia didnt like me growin up cause she was the baby till I came. we had roaches so she put roach spray in a bowl and kill my dog

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Now I got like 50 f**ckin ideas per minute I think they f**k me up. don't give drugs to the kid. What kinda motherf**k would do that

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Look man when I was young I took medication cause they said I was over active that sh*t slowed my body down but my brain kept racing

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Man I want @carmeloanthony to come to new york so we can win. all we gotta do is get spike lee ugly a*s bad luck face out the front row

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Look this is a public service announcement my tweets are for motherf**kers 18 and older. If you under 18 get yo little a*s off the computer

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Ok ok I'm back! what the *bleep* you mean that was quick she was good

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Yal gotta hold on a min now ill be back I'm trying to get my dick sucked. Time for a Small break Ladies and gentalmen

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Shout out to lebron @kingjames 50cent of basketball right now seem like they hate you but you still the best just gotta go hard next season

about 2 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

I talked to pinky the pornstar this week. She said she rapping now she seem like a real bitch a certified pro hoe

about 3 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

When he's your friend he's your friend for real @floydmayweather

about 3 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

I love @floydmayweather I told him I needed a million dollars 1time to see what he gone say and he went and got a bag wit 4,000,000 in it

about 3 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

This n**** @floydMayweather just called and said if I don't say his name he aint my friend no more. what the *bleep* kinda friend is that

about 3 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

Man I love being me I just do what the *bleep* I wanta do who ever don't like it can kiss my black a*s

about 3 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

I wanta give a shout out to every rap that never went platinum. Ima retweet you so you can get followers

about 3 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

If you a stripper and you have a low self esteem Its probably because your fat and ugly. I suggest you kill yourself

about 3 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

B pumper in the house herd he got a hot single coming

about 3 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

@ogochocinco are you retarted n**** I said I love the way you play

about 4 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

My grandma pregnant again trying to talk her out of keeping it

about 4 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

I'm looking for a good main girl. I got me a good side bitch already

about 4 hours ago via ÜberTwitter

 

More on the link. :rofl:

 

Edit Oh sh*t. More

 

Look man I'm sorry I've been cursing. But f**k that sh*t I gotta express myself bitch

 

Bitch why you say I shoulda went to schoolI can buy a dam school you went to hoe *beep* you Ya dog, funky bitch

 

Man when I figure out how to use the spell Check on this motherf**ker you niggas in trouble

 

I am crying with laughter here. :rofl:

Edited by Aftrunner
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True story:

 

My ex-colleague took her 4yr old to school on the first day. Next day the daughter asked "Mom are you coming with me to school today?". Mom says no, you have to take the bus today. 4 yr old says "It's ok mom you can give me the car keys".

 

:roflroll:

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A pompous self made grocer named Bates gets his son into an expensive private school. On day One the whole family is there to see the little blighter begin his first day at school. The grocer, his family in tow, saunters into the principal's office and introduces himself thus: "I am Sir Shortweight Bates. This is my wife, Lady Bates, my daughter Miss Bates and my son Master Bates." "Oh does he?" asks the bemused principal, "we will soon get him out of that terrible habit."

 

 

:giggle:

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Has anyone noticed that most of Pushy's posts will be something similar to the one above his posts. :fear:

 

 

 

Me too :fear::puspa:

 

@ayush :lol:

@mr. bates :rofl:

Edited by abhinit90
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