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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread

Chaztin

By Chaztin,
in General Chatter

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Mozart Newbie

Mozart

Posted
Posted

WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKED FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH

THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE

 

 

This is the winner:-

 

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,

Marrying you screwed up my life.

 

I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

 

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not.

 

I thought that I could love no other --

that is until I met your brother.

 

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

 

I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face.

 

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

 

My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

 

My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe “'Go to hell.”'

 

What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts tequila, one part lime

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Mozart Newbie

Mozart

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If Columbus had been married he might have never discovered America. Because:

 

Where r u going?

 

With Whom?

 

To discover what?

 

Why only u?

 

What do I do, when u r not here?

 

Can I come?

 

Coming back when?

 

Dinner ghar par hee khaoge?

 

Most importantly: Mere liye kya laoge?

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Mozart Newbie

Mozart

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One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him "OK, what happened to your back?"

 

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"

 

 

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you

won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

 

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked.

Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.... .?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

....

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Mozart Newbie

Mozart

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One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant winking would bother customers"I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just take some and I'll be better in a second" So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!" The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking

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Bulovski Newbie

Bulovski

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Mukesh Ambani in his 27 storeyed home...... Mukeshbhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor, takes a swim in the swimming pool on 17th floor, has breakfast on the 19th floor, dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes bye to Nitaben on 16th floor, says ‘see you’to his children on 13th floor, and goes down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 crore Mercedes to office, but then, he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs.

But on which floor?

15th, 17th, 19th, 14th, 21st, 16th or 13th ?

He phones all his servants, cooks,maids, secretaries, pool attendants, gym trainers, lift attendantsetc. on all the floors. There is a hectic search and lot of running around on all the floors, but the key is not traceable .

 

Fed up, after half an hourof frantic search, Mukeshbhai leaves in a huff in a chauffeur driven Ikon car.

At 3.30 P.M. late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back , a temporary replacement maid had washed Mukeshbhai's pant and hung it to dry on a string in the balcony of 16th floor, with car keys in the pant pocket. The key had blown away somewhere in the high winds at 16th floor level and was never found.

 

This was detected because of Nitaben's habit of checking clothes given for ironing personally.

Meanwhile, after 3 days of the incident, Nitaben with all irritation writ large on her face, complained to Mukeshbhai asking him where he was roaming till 3 A.M. last night …

Mukesh replied that he was at home all night.

"Then why did the helicopter land in the terrace at 3 A.M?

I was so much worried…I could not sleep whole night," quizzed Nitaben.

"Oh That helicopter….That helicopter came from Germany , sent by Mercedes people to deliver the duplicate car key".......mumbled Mukesh.

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