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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
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An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

 

He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

 

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

 

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

 

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."

 

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

 

He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

 

The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

 

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

 

The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither."

 

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

 

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!!!!"

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The day before Thanksgiving this little boy heard his mom and dad fighting. The husband said to his wife, "You stupid bitch, you have floppy tits."

 

She wasn't about to be outdone and said, "Well you have a crooked dick, you bastard."

 

Well, the little boy heard every word they said. After they got done fighting, he went up to the mom and asked her what bitches and bastards were.

 

She told him that they were people. Then he asked what crooked dicks and floppy tits were. She told him that they were coats and hats. The little boy accepted both answers and went on his way.

 

The next day, they were getting ready for a huge feast with friends and family. The little boy went up stairs where his dad was shaving. The dad cut himself and said "sh*t!" Well once again, the boy started asking questions and asked what 'sh*t' was. The father told him that it was "shaving cream".

 

The boy accepted this answer and went downstairs were his mom was stuffing a turkey. When the mom cut herself with a knife, she said "f**k!" The boy once again asked what 'f**k' was. She told him that it was "stuffing". About that time, the door bell rang.

 

When the little boy went to answer the door, it was his grandparents. Upon opening the door, the little boy said: "Hi bitches and bastards. Let me take your crooked dicks and floppy tits for you. Dad's upstairs putting sh*t on his face and mom's in the kitchen f**king the turkey."

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