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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
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A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother....who's only 9 years old...

 

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk. As you might expect things started to heat up. The guy remembered that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.

 

"Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Lettuce!!! Tomato!!!" she screams. "Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Whoa!!! PULL IT OUT!!! PULL IT OUT NOW!!! I can't get pregnant!"

 

Then the little brother shouts up,"Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!"

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WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

 

 

Men Are Just Happier People

 

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

 

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.

 

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

 

Chocolate is just another snack.

 

You can be President.

 

You can never be pregnant.

 

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

 

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

 

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

 

The world is your urinal.

 

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

 

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

 

Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.

 

Wedding dress 5000. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

 

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

 

One mood all the time.

 

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

 

You know stuff about tanks.

 

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

 

You can open all your own jars.

 

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

 

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

 

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

 

You almost never have strap problems in public.

 

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

 

Everything on your face stays its original color.

 

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

 

You only have to shave your face and neck.

 

You can play with toys all your life.

 

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

 

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

 

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

 

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

 

You can do shopping for 25 relatives in a day in 25 minutes.

 

No wonder men are happier.

Edited by game_freak
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