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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
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Achievement unlocked : 9-minute gap double post :giggle:

 

The beauty of wireless dropping out and positng "Repped" a second time thinking the first post didn't go through.

 

@Sackboy - really? Lying? Over a second post saying "Repped"? Mate. Calm the f*ck down.

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Is Keyo that fat, IRL, or is it just in that comic! :wacko:

 

Also, suckboy, rated your profile! say thanks now, beech! :bigyellowgrin:

Thanks bro ... But I would have already got so many 1 stars as their joke that I doubt I will ever get over 1 star

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One day a man went on a buissness trip to Florida.

 

He had saw this hooker and he asked "How much for a hand job?"

 

The hooker replied "100 Bucks"

 

The man said "100 Bucks, That's a lot of got damn money"

 

So the hooker pulled him to the side and said "See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs."

 

So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had ever had.

 

The next day he sees her and asks "How much for a head job?"

 

She said "200 dollars"

 

"200 dollars that's a lot of money"

 

She pulled him to the side and said "You see that yahat by the pier, I paid for that yahat by giving head jobs."

 

So he gives her the money, and get the best head job of his life

 

On hist last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says "The hand job was good, the head job was great how much for the whole package."

 

"1000 dollars'

 

"1000 dollars that's a lot of god damn money"

 

So she pulled him to side and said "You see that island, I could afford that if i had a pussy."

Edited by killzone123
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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him.

 

So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

 

The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

 

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the hell is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".

 

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

 

------------------

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

 

"What are you doing?" she asked.

 

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law said. "I am wearing my love dress."

 

"Love dress? But you're naked!" said the mother-in-law.

 

"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

 

The mother-in-law got the idea and left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

 

"What are you doing?" he asked.

 

"This is my love dress" she whispered, sensually.

 

"Needs ironing," he said.

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