Jump to content

Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
 Share

Recommended Posts

There we go again, people are so creative. I do not know who sat down to think about this……!!!!!

OBAMA is =

O - Originally

B - Born in

A - Africa to

M - Manage the

A - Americans

AWESOME :wallbash:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A guy wants to get married

 

so he calls three gals which are all good looking

so he is confused

 

so he gives them 1 lac rupees each to spend and get something for him

the lady who gets the best he will marry her

 

so 1st gal gets him loads of good clothes

 

2nd gal gets him a golf kit

 

3rd gal tells him she has put it investment so they can make more of it

 

So which gal does he marry

 

 

 

 

 

 

Depends which one had the biggest boobs

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Calvin's dad (from Bill Watterson's comic strip Calvin and Hobbes) is the coolest comic character I ever came across. Whenever Calvin asks him question he often makes up outlandish answers. Here is a collection of some quotes from the comic strip.

 

Astronomy

 

Q. Why does the sun set?

A. It's because hot air rises. The sun's hot in the middle of the day, so it rises high in the sky. In the evening then, it cools down and sets.

Q. Why does it go from east to west?

A. Solar wind.

 

Q. Why does the sky turn red as the sun sets?

A. That's all the oxygen in the atmosphere catching fire.

Q. Where does the sun go when it sets?

A. The sun sets in the west. In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff. That's why the rocks there are so red.

Q. Don't the people get burned up?

A. No, the sun goes out as it sets. That's why it's dark at night.

Q. Doesn't the sun crush the whole state as it lands?

A. Ha ha, of course not. Hold a quarter up. See, the sun's just about the same size.

Q. I thought I read that the sun was really big.

A. You can't believe everything you read, I'm afraid.

 

Evolution of Technology

 

Q. How come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color film back then?

A. Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs are in color. It's just that the world was black and white then. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too.

Q. But then why are old paintings in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted it that way?

A. Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane.

Q. But… But how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have been shades of gray back then?

A. Of course, but they turned colors like everything else did in the '30s.

Q. So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?

A. Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?

 

Theory of Relativity!!

 

Q. Dad, will you explain the theory of relativity to me? I don't understand why time goes slower at great speed.

A. It's because you keep changing time zones. See, if you fly to California, you gain three hours on a five-hour flight, right? So if you go at the speed of light, you gain more time, because it doesn't take as long to get there. Of course, the theory of relativity only works if you're going west.

 

How things work?

 

Q. Why do my eyes shut when I sneeze?

A. If your lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow your eyeballs out and stretch the optic nerve, so your eyes would flop around and you'd have to point them with your hands to see anything.

 

Q. How do bank machines work?

A. Well, let's say you want 25 dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the machine there's a guy with a printing press who makes the money and sticks it out this slot.

Q. Sort of like the guy who lives up in our garage and opens the door?

A. Exactly.

 

Simple Physics

 

Q. What causes the wind?

A. Trees sneezing.

 

Q. Why does ice float?

A. Because it's cold. Ice wants to get warm, so it goes to the top of liquids to be nearer to the sun.

Q. Is that true?

A. Look it up and find out.

Q. I should just look up stuff in the first place.

 

Secret of omniscience

 

Q. How come you know so much?

A. It's all in the book you get when you become a father.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tim: Joy

Brian: Hm?

Tim: The official announcement of Dead Rising 2

Brian: Oh ho.

Tim: No shopping mall this time, instead it takes place in the "gambling paradise of Fortune City"

Tim: No Frank West either. He's probably off covering wars, you know.

Brian: That's what he does.

Brian: So many wars, he's covered them all.

Tim: They have to be covered, and that's what Frank West does.

Brian: They have wars so he can cover them.

Tim: They call him up and ask if his schedule is free. If they throw a War, can he cover it? He answers yes.

Brian: That's the real reason for Iraq War 2. He had nothing to do that weekend. That motherf**ker.

Tim: If a War happens in the woods, and Frank West isn't there to cover it... did the War really happen?

Brian: I don't see how

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...