Keyofx Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 (edited) lol @ grammar nazi-ing in the loo. The emo pissant was asking for it, hehe Edited September 28, 2009 by keyofx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Wright Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 (edited) ^^ Heh. Anyway, I know these are probably ages old, but: Edited September 28, 2009 by Phoenix Wright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
achilles Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 real.. but quite funny.. man shoots himself while teaching gun safety James Looney knew the importance of gun safety. That's why he insisted on giving his girlfriend a lesson in it before taking her to a local shooting range. Unfortunately he then proceeded to show her exactly what not to do, by fatally shooting himself in the head. Looney - who was clearly destined for greatness with that name - had rounded up a selection of weapons to demonstrate various safety features. He then proceeded to do this by pointing them at his own head and pulling the triggers. For the first two guns, this was a fine example of the importance of safety features and how knowing your weapon works... the third one, not so much. Police say the 40-year-old from Missouri fired the weapon, fatally wounding himself. He was taken to hospital but died the following morning... giving friends and family just long enough to tell him they all thought he could win this year's Darwin Award. darwin awards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
вι¢ннσσвαвα Posted September 29, 2009 Report Share Posted September 29, 2009 THIS IS MY KIND OF DOCTOR… Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride' AND..... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dabba Posted September 29, 2009 Report Share Posted September 29, 2009 Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! wtf??? stolen from my orkut profile.... damn copyright infringement Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayush12ice Posted September 29, 2009 Report Share Posted September 29, 2009 lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pArth Posted September 29, 2009 Report Share Posted September 29, 2009 (edited) Edited September 29, 2009 by pARTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aftrunner Posted September 29, 2009 Report Share Posted September 29, 2009 ^^Brilliant! Reminds of that Bash.org qoute "What the f**k is WTF?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarketTantrik Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 Classic quotes from Blackadder Baldrick, you wouldn't see a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord, singing, 'Subtle plans are here again!' Blackadder The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy? Blackadder to Lord Percy Blackadder Tell me, Brother Baldrick, what exactly did God do to the Sodomites? Baldrick I dunno, but I can't imagine it was worse than what they used to do to each other. Prince Regent Last night, I was having a bit of a snack at the Naughty Hellfire Club, and some fellow said I had the wit and sophistication of a donkey. Blackadder Oh, an absurd suggestion, sir. Prince Regent You're right. It is absurd. Blackadder Unless, of course, it was a particularly stupid donkey. Blackadder What are you wearing around your neck? Percy Ah! It's my new ruff! Blackadder You look like a bird who's swallowed a plate. Percy It's the latest fashion, actually, and as a matter of fact it makes me look rather sexy! Blackadder To another plate-swallowing bird perhaps. If it was blind and hadn't had it in months. That's not the only thing round here that's very small indeed. Your brain, for example, is so minute Baldrick that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water biscuit. Blackadder to Baldrick The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil's own satanic herd. Blackadder Baldrick My lord, I've been in your family since 1582. Blackadder So has syphilis, now get out. I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese. Blackadder Darling Come on, I wasn't born yesterday. Blackadder More's the pity, we could have started your personality from scratch. George Great Scott, sir! You mean the moment's finally arrived for us to give Harry Hun a good old British-style thrashing, six of the best, trousers down? Blackadder If you mean, 'Are we all going to get killed?', then yes. He's mad! Mad I tell you! He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year's Mr Madman Competition! Blackadder on his Scottish cousin McAdder We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun. Blackadder Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can't be mentioned I am reliably informed by women around the court wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. Blackadder on Percy I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it. Blackadder on Charlie Chaplin Blackadder Baldrick, your brain is like the four-headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen. Baldrick In what way? Blackadder It doesn't exist. They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head. Blackadder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aftrunner Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 Well thats tonights TV viewing sorted out then. I think I will rewatch Season 3. Blackadder: Am I jumping the gun Baldrick, or are the words "I have a cunning plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation \o/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madmage Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 OMFG, never knew Black Adder was so freaking awesome .. Well now i know whats going on my IPOD touch, Thanks MT !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Wright Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sagalime Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aftrunner Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 Ok this doesnt belong in the jokes section but its far and away the coolest thing I have seen on the internet lately. Ladies and gentlemen I give you - Liu Bolin AKA The Invisible Man The last picture is just f**king freaky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godspeed4476 Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 The last picture is just f**king freaky. Dude, I actually have to observe it closely to spot him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pArth Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 ^^ freaking awsome .... i cudn find him in the last one for a minute Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aftrunner Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 I love the one where he is being held by that military guy. Its like a picture of a ghost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Death Stryke Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 Got that in a forward some weeks back. Brilliant stuff. Damn, some people do such amazing things in the world !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
achilles Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 yea bitches Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Hellsboy_ Posted October 4, 2009 Report Share Posted October 4, 2009 The last one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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