Jump to content

Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
 Share

Recommended Posts

Mom's 18 point contract for getting her kid an iphone. :rofl:

 

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?

 

Advertisement2. I will always know the password.

 

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad." Not ever.

 

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 pm every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 pm It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 am. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

 

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

 

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

 

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

 

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

 

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

 

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person -- preferably me or your father.

 

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

 

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear - including a bad reputation.

 

13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

 

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).

 

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

 

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

 

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

 

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

 

It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone.

 

 

 

 

xoxoxo,

 

Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is a classroom of some small children (5-7yrs),

 

with a genius boy ( Bablu ) and a smart one (Pappu).

 

The dialogue between the two and the teacher goes something like this:

 

Bablu: "Teacher, teacher! Is Bus male or female?

 

Teacher : Thinking.......

 

Pappu: "Teacher, teacher! It is female"

 

Bablu : "Kyon?"

 

Pappu: "Kyon ki sab log uspe chadte hain."

 

Teacher is pareshan. While Bablu gets in doubt.

 

Bablu: "Agar bus female hai aur sab uspe chadte hain to uske bacche kyon nahin hote?"

 

Teacher is more pareshan.

 

Pappu: "Kyon ki sab us par peeche se chadte hain."

 

Teacher is now hiding her face.Bablu gets another doubt.

 

Bablu: "Maana sabhi peeche se chadte hain, but driver aur conductor to aagay se chadte hain. Phir bachche kyon nahin hote?"

 

Teacher is sweating as it is getting too much to handle.

 

Pappu replies : "Kyon ki woh dono topi pehanke chadte hain."

 

Teacher faints !!!!!!!

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Three words to hurt men's ego....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Is it in?????

 

 

 

Kaminey dost.. biggrin.gif

 

Ek aadmi charpayi kharid ke ghar le jaa raha tha...

Raste me use ek dost mila.

 

Dost:"Charpai kitne ki kharidi.. ??

.

Man:"800 ki..

.

Dost:"Marwa aaya na..Yaha 600 me mil jaati..

Aage chalkar

.

Dost 2:"Kitne me kharidi..

.

Man:"600 ki...

.

Dost:"Marwa aaya na, yaha 400 ki mil jaati..

.

Aage chalne par,

.

Dost 3:"Kaha se aa raha hai.. ??

.

.

.

Man:"Marwa ke aa raha hoo..

.

Dost:"Wah, khatiya bhi sath leke chalte ho..??...tongue.gifshock3.gifbiggrin.gifbiggrin.gif

 

 

 

 

Santa ne blade se apni girlrfrd ka naam hath par likha.

5 min baad jor jor se rone laga.

Banta: kyu rote ho.?

>Santa: bhench*d LADO ki jagah LODA likh liya.

Edited by gs_RoXxX
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

True Love..! ♥ ♥

 

Boy: Mere pass apne Dost jaisi Car to nahi hai par tumhe apni palko par bitha ke ghumaunga,

Mere pass uss jaisa bada ghar to nahi hai par tumhe apne dil me rakhunga,

Mere pass uss jitne paise to nahi hai par main mazduri kar ke tujhe khilaunga, aur tumhe kya chahiye?

 

Girl: Bas kar pagle, Ab rulayega kya? Chal apne uss dost ka number de...!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...