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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
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Train me warning likhi thi ----

"Bina ticket safar karne wale yaatri "Hoshiyaar"

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Sardar - Waah, bhench**, toh jisne ticket li woh Chu***e ??

Edited by AtheK
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An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

 

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

 

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"

 

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

 

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria..."

 

 

 

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

 

The mechanic shouted across the garage, Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."

 

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

 

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "

 

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....

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.He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running ".

 

 

 

 

 

Ek din ek lady shop se parrot kharidne gayi.....

 

Usne dukandar se kaha Wasim bhai ek tota chahaiye....

 

Dukandar ne usse ek tota dikhaya...

 

Lady ne pucha iss tote ki khaas baat kya hai Vasim bhai...

 

Dukaan dar bola ye tota bolta hai

 

Lady ne kaha acha..

 

Usne tote se pucha main tumhe kaisi lagti huin

 

"Behen ki laudi, randi lagti hai" tote ne kaha.

 

Lady ne kaha, Wasim bhi ye to bohot badtameez tota hai aur gaali deta hai.

 

Wasim bhai usse andar le gaya aur paani me dubaya aur pucha...

 

Gali dega...

 

Tota. Haan dunga

 

Wasim ..phir dubaya aur pucha .gaali dega"

 

Tota... haan dunga.....

 

Wasim ne phir paani me dubaya aur kaha .gali dega..

 

Is baar tota maan gaya aur kaha nahi dunga kabhi nahi dunga,,,,,

 

Vo usse bahar le gaya aur lady se kaha ye ab gaali nahi dega..

 

Tab lady ne usse pucha ...

 

Agar mere ghar par mere saath ek aadmi aaye toh tum kya sochoge.

 

Tote ne kaha..ki tumhara pati hoga..

 

Lady: agar do aadmi aaye toh kya.

 

Tota: tumhara pati aur devar,

 

Lady: agr teen aadmi ..

 

Tota: tumhara pati ,devar,aur bhaiyya.

 

Lady ...agar chaar aadmi aaye toh....

 

Tota.....

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Wasim bhai paani lao...

 

Maine toh pehle hi kaha tha ki

 

"behen ki laudi randi hai".

 

 

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Teacher: "TransparentWord Ka Example Do"

Pappu: "Aapki Dress Mein

>Se Red Bra Dikh Rahi Hai"

Teacher Gusse Se: "You

Bloody, Kuch To SharamKar"

 

Pappu Masumiyat Se:

 

"Mam, Tabhi To Nahi Bola

Ki Panty Bhi Fati Hui Hai.

Edited by gs_RoXxX
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When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the alphabets P N E I S & form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

 

Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are on Whatsapp & BBM!!!T

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^:lol:, this reminds me one joke.

 

 

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

 

The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor – the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.”Cow

 

For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow’s butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just standthere, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,” the professor says.

 

Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson… “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s butt, and I sucked on my index finger… Now, learn to pay attention.”

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^:lol:/>, this reminds me one joke.

 

 

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

 

The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor – the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.”Cow

 

For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow’s butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just standthere, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,” the professor says.

 

Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson… “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s butt, and I sucked on my index finger… Now, learn to pay attention.”

 

:rofl:

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Girl : Cigarette peena chodd do

Boy : Chodd diya

 

Girl : Beer peena bi chodd do

Boy : Chodd diya

 

Girl : Good Aaj se roz subah shaam Mandir janashuru karo

Boy : Theek hai Aaj se roz Mandir jana shuru

 

Girl : Haayee Jaanu So Sweet, Mujse shaadi karoge?

Boy : Nahin

 

Girl : Kyun

Boy : Itna sudhar gaya hu, Ab tumse achi koi mil jayegi B)/> :P/>

 

 

 

Sad story of a Man:

 

Why I got divorced...

Last wéek was my birthday....

My wife didnt wish me....

My parents forgot and so did my kids....

I went to work....

Even my colleagues didnt wish me.... As i entered my cabin my secretary said,"Happy Birthday Boss".... i felt so special.... She asked me out to lunch.... After lunch,she invited me to her apartment...

WE went there.... She said,"Do you mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute ?"

"OKAY",i said...

She came out 5min later with a cake And My Wife,,My Parents,,My Kids,,My Friends & My Colleagues... All Screaming,,SURPRISE.... And I was waiting on the sofa............. NAKED =)) =)) X_X !

 

 

 

 

 

Wedding speech frm girl to her in laws:

"My dear new family,I thank u for welcoming me in my new house...

Firstly I must tell u dat my presence here should not change ur life routines.

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Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it...

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Those cooking must keep cooking...

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Those cleaning must keep cleaning...

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I'll not disturb anybody's routine...

So far as I'm concerned, I'm here only to

eat BUN,

have FUN &

entertain ur SON.!"

Edited by xGameAnalyzeRx
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Innocent little 'johnny'

 

 

It was Friday morning, and that meant it was time for an activity that the teacher called 'add to the picture'. The teacher would call students to the chalkboard one at a time. The first student would draw an object on the chalkboard, and each following student would add something to the picture to make it a new picture.

 

The teacher called on James to start things off.

2aaj05d.jpg

 

James returned to his seat.

The teacher called on Ernie next.

10o2v83.jpg

 

 

Ernie returned to his seat.

Now it was Suzy's turn.

1kdxc.jpg

 

 

Suzy returned to her seat.

Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board.

2ch8cw4.jpg

 

 

Jerry returned to her seat.

About this time, little Johnny began waving his arm hysterically. Little Johnny was well known for being off center, so the teacher was reluctant to call on him for anything. But as the teacher looked at the picture on the chalkboard, she thought that there was no way that little Johnny could possibly do anything to make this picture dirty. So she called on little Johnny, and he ran to the chalkboard.

2zpqvf6.jpg

 

 

The entire class erupted with laughter.... the Teacher fainted.

Little Johnny had done it again.

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