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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
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Birthday Present

 

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

 

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

 

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

 

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

 

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

 

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

 

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

 

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

 

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

 

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, Dave."

:rofl:

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Man was smoking in a bus. Conductor: No Smoking ka board nahin dikhta ?

Man: Uske side mein 'Always Wear Condom' ka board hai, ab vo bhi laga ke baithoon?

 

 

A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector

Friend: How was ur first night?

Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed, 200 for wrongside entry

and

Rs 500 for no helmet

 

 

Jab tumahara rape hua to tumne kya mehsoos kiya?

Girl: Ladoo agar zabardasti bhi khilaya jaye to bhi lagta to meetha hi hai

 

 

A lady from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?

Bananawala: Memsaab Aath mein Bara

Lady: Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja

 

 

My Favourite one:

Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli dekh Ladkiyan zor se hasne

lagi Masterji bole: Zyada hehe ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga

 

:rofl:

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Ek Ladki, ek din Art Gallery dekhne Jati Hai Aur Ek Tasveer Dekhkar,

Gallery Ke Malik Se Kahti Hai:

 

Ladki : iss Bhayanak Tasveer Ko Aap Modern

Art Kehte Ho !?

 

Maalik : Meri Maa Tu Dimag Mat Laga, Ghar Jaa,

 

Ye Aaina ( mirror ) Hai. :D

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Jew Jokes -- People who get offended dont go ahead..

 

 

'There is safety in numbers,

Unless there are 6,000,000 of you.,

And you are all Jews.

 

 

What's the difference between boy scouts and Jews?

Boy scouts come back from their camps.

 

 

did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?

He came down the chimney and said "Do you want to buy some presents kiddies?"

 

 

Two Jewish businessmen were discussing insurance. "You need fire insurance, burglary insurance and flood insurance."

The fire and theft and burglary I can understand," said the other, "but the flood insurance? How do you start a flood?"

Edited by Madmage
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FunnyToilet.jpg

 

Some funny Tech Support conversations: :rofl:

 

1. Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer "No."

Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

 

 

2. Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

Tech Support:: ?!%#$

 

 

3. Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?

 

 

4. Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

 

 

5. Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

 

Tech Support:"What does it say?"

 

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

 

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

 

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

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