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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
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Very Touchy story:

 

"Husband forgot to wish his Wife on her birthday. He came home late at night from the office .....

 

His wife shouted: How would u feel if u dont see me for next few days?

 

He couldnt believe his luck. He replied at once.'' Wowww.....That would be great..!''

 

Monday passed & he didn't see her.

 

Tuesday & wednesday passed too.

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On Thursday the swelling was better & he could see her from the corner of his left eye...

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

New Ones

Adult Questions & Answers:

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Q: What's the difference between cricketers and condoms?

A: Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches the drops.

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Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?

A: Riding a bicycle you fix your a*s & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your a*s.

😆

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Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?

A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.

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Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?

A: Because they are tired of using their own.

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Q: What's common between men and video?

A: Both go backward... Forward... Backward... Forward... Backward....

Forward... Stop and eject.

😅

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Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are screwed.

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Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?

A: A teabag

😅

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7 qualities of a perfect wife:

Beautiful,

Responsible

Energetic

Adorable

Sweet

Truthful and

Self-Organized.

In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T. S

😆

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Q: Who is a gynecologist?

A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure.

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Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?

A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.

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Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed.

Tarzan asked "Why"?

The animals told him......... .."Your tail is in the front"

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Secret of long life...

Morning two eggs, evening two pegs......and night between two legs!!

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TEACHER-Why Underwear is Named As Langoti in Hindi?

SARDAR-Because It Takes Care Of 1 Lund & 2 GOTI. So it called "LANGOTI"..

💯

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Santa looking at name plate of air hostess above her left boob... KOMAL !

 

With lots of confusion He asked:

"Doosra waala KADAK hai kya"....?

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An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."

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