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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread


Chaztin
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First day of class, freshman year in college. Sat down for lunch with an Indian guy who apparently had never seen a tea bag. It seems he was expecting loose-leaf tea in the little Lipton packet. After a few moments where he looked at it blankly, I showed him how to dip it, and let it steep.

The kicker was when he asked for the sugar. He was likely expecting a bowl of it. Upon receiving the container of little packets, he looked at them for a moment, then proceeded to grab one, and dip it into his cup exactly as he had done with the tea bag.

Looking back, I guess it was logical.

 

I have a buddy who is a complete technotard. He spent a few years living in huts in India and doing charity work, so technology isn't exactly his thing. But he recently came to realize how useful the Internet can be in terms of getting laid. And after spending a few years building wells and helping poor people, he certainly sees the utility in anything that will facilitate his getting some. So he asked me to set him on Facebook a little while ago - which I was happy to do.

He called me a few weeks ago, very agitated, because someone kept posting on his Facebook wall, asking him what's on his mind and he couldn't figure out who it was. And he kept answering them by asking "who is this? what do you want? Why do you care what's on my mind? I'm fine. Stop asking."

His Facebook page looked like a schizophrenic conversation.

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A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."


The 4 year old nods his head in approval.


The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with a*s." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."


WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. Hi s mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"


She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"


"I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat a*s it won't be Cheerios!"
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Ricky Martin and Christina Aguilera walk into a bar. Before either can open their mouth to order something, the bartender puts down a bottle of Pepsi in front of Miss Aguilera. Ricky, suitably confused, exclaims 'She didn't ask for this, what are you doing?' and the bartender replies 'I'm givin' la diva cola!'

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Why the government is blocking porn sites
by The LOL-ster last updated on June 26, 2013 at 3:30 pm
About author
lolster_071239097792.jpg The LOL-ster

Of wisecracks, giggle-fests and all things that tickle your funny bone

b875e2eb0364361705327ae5752ad8f8_ls.jpg

 

Censorship is increasing all across the world. First, the US finally confirmed what we thought all along - that they had been using data from Google and Facebook. Now, our very own government has blocked a large set of IPs in India - some of them pornographic.

 

We really think that the Ministry of Information and Broadcasting has better work than censoring a pitiful few dirty sites, when pornography is available by the terabyte in a whole host of other places. Why did they do this at all? Here are a few possible reasons:

 

1. Too many Indians were surfing porn sites: And the sites were exceeding their bandwidth limit, and loading slowly. And then the MPs were left with nothing to watch in their free time, and that was clearly wrong.

 

2. Elections 2014 were at risk: The more unrestricted the access to porn in India, the more the number of Sunny Leone fans. And if, riding her wave of popularity, she was to stand as an independent in next year's elections, she might beat the Congress single-handedly.

 

3. They wanted to help the aam aadmi: Who has to delete his browser history every day. No porn means no incognito windows, ever again!

 

4. Because of the acting in porn: Porn films have possibly the most wooden (in every sense) actors ever, but even their performances are better than some of those Bollywood has given us recently (Zilla Ghaziabad, here's looking at you).

 

5. Porn films are not secular: Most pornstars are blonde, and follow one religion: money. There is no reservation, nothing.

 

6. Mamata asked them to block the porn sites: Because redtube.com contains the fatal Communist word 'red'.

 

7. Because watching porn can lead to blindness: As we were told, so many years ago.

 

What do you think is the reason behind the Government's war on porn? Tell us in the Comments Section.

 

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What is tension?.............

1 sundar ladki ne aapse lift mangi...

Raste me uski tabiyat kharab ho gayi...

aap use hospital le gaye....

Doctor bola :-
'Mubarak ho aap baap banne wale he'..
Lo ho gayi tension............

Aap bole me iska Baap nahi hu,

Ladki boli yahi iska baap he.

Aur tension!....................

Police aayi aur apka medical check up hua.......

Report aaya K aap to kabhi baap ban hi nahi sakte....
Saala aurr tension!..........

Aapne Thank god kaha aur bahar aa gaye....

Fir yaad aaya ghar me do bacche he wo kiske he?

REAL TENSION................=))

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A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? 'You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what Martha?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck...

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BACHHAN (in KBC): Jaya Aur Aishwarya Mein Ek Jaisa Kya Hey ???

SARDAR(on hot seat): Dono ke Nipples Abhishek ne Chusey Hey.

 

BIG B Behosh.

 

 

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk 4 Beta

 

Edited by Bhushan
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