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Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread

Chaztin

By Chaztin,
in General Chatter

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sagarjalvi Newbie

sagarjalvi

Posted
Posted

The below one contains some rough truth words.Viewer Discretion Is Advised.

 

 

Girls Vocabulary v/s Boys Vocab:

G: Xcuse me= B: Sun chutiye.

G:Stupid= B:Abe gandu;

G:Get out= B:Nikal bhosdike;

G: I m in problem = B:Yaar Loude lag gaye;

G:I am scared= B:Gaand phati hui hai yaar;

G:Would u like to have this= B:Lega laudu;

G:Not possible!!!= B:Chal bhosdike;

G:He is a very bad person= B:Bada madarchod hai;

G:I'm sorry = B: Maa chuda;

G:Where r u? = B: Kahan gaand mara raha hai?;

G:I 4give u! = B: Muh mei le le;

G: No = B: Ghanta;

 

:rofl: so true :rofl:

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Rosh Community Regular

Rosh

Posted
Posted

A LETTER FROM A GIRL TO JRD TATA IN 1974

It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore

was

getting warm and gulmohars were blooming at

the IISc campus. I was the only girl in my

postgraduate department and was staying at the

ladies' hostel. Other girls were pursuing research

in different departments of Science.

I was looking forward to going abroad to

complete

a doctorate in computer science. I had been

offered scholarships from Universities in the

US...

I had not thought of taking up a job in India.

One day, while on the way to my hostel from

our

lecture-hall complex, I saw an advertisement on

the notice board. It was a standard job-

requirement notice from the famous automobile

company Telco (now Tata Motors)... It stated

that

the company required young, bright engineers,

hardworking and with an excellent academic

background, etc.

At the bottom was a small line: 'Lady Candidates

need not apply.'

I read it and was very upset. For the first time

in

my life I was up against gender discrimination.

Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I

saw

it as a challenge. I had done extremely well in

academics, better than most of my male peers...

Little did I know then that in real life academic

excellence is not enough to be successful?

After reading the notice I went fuming to my

room. I decided to inform the topmost person

in

Telco's management about the injustice the

company was perpetrating. I got a postcard and

started to write, but there was a problem: I did

not know who headed Telco

I thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew

JRD

Tata was the head of the Tata Group; I had seen

his pictures in newspapers (actually, Sumant

Moolgaokar was the company's chairman then) I

took the card, addressed it to JRD and started

writing. To this day I remember clearly what I

wrote.

'The great Tatas have always been pioneers. They

are the people who started the basic

infrastructure industries in India, such as iron

and

steel, chemicals, textiles and locomotives they

have cared for higher education in India since

1900 and they were responsible for the

establishment of the Indian Institute of Science.

Fortunately, I study there. But I am surprised

how a company such as Telco is discriminating

on

the basis of gender.'

I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than

10 days later, I received a telegram stating that

I

had to appear for an interview at Telco's Pune

facility at the company's expense. I was taken

aback by the telegram. My hostel mate told me I

should use the opportunity to go to Pune free of

cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for

cheap! I collected Rs30 each from everyone who

wanted a sari when I look back, I feel like

laughing at the reasons for my going, but back

then they seemed good enough to make the trip.

It was my first visit to Pune and I immediately

fell

in love with the city.

To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much

at home in Pune as I do in Hubli, my hometown.

The place changed my life in so many ways. As

directed, I went to Telco's Pimpri office for the

interview.

There were six people on the panel and I

realized

then that this was serious business.

'This is the girl who wrote to JRD,' I heard

somebody whisper as soon as I entered the

room.

By then I knew for sure that I would not get the

job. The realization abolished all fear from my

mind, so I was rather cool while the interview

was

being conducted.

Even before the interview started, I reckoned

the

panel was biased, so I told them, rather

impolitely, 'I hope this is only a technical

interview.'

They were taken aback by my rudeness, and

even

today I am ashamed about my attitude.

The panel asked me technical questions and I

answered all of them.

Then an elderly gentleman with an affectionate

voice told me, 'Do you know why we said lady

candidates need not apply? The reason is that

we

have never employed any ladies on the shop

floor. This is not a co-ed college; this is a

factory.

When it comes to academics, you are a first

ranker throughout. We appreciate that, but

people like you should work in research

laboratories.

I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My

world had been a limited place.

I did not know the ways of large corporate

houses

and their difficulties, so I answered, 'But you

must start somewhere, otherwise no woman will

ever be able to work in your factories.'

Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had

been successful. So this was what the future had

in store for me. Never had I thought I would

take

up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from

Karnataka there, we became good friends and we

got married.

It was only after joining Telco that I realized

who

JRD was: the uncrowned king of Indian industry.

Now I was scared, but I did not get to meet him

till I was transferred to Bombay. One day I had

to

show some reports to Mr Moolgaokar, our

chairman, who we all knew as SM. I was in his

office on the first floor of Bombay House (the

Tata headquarters) when, suddenly JRD walked

in.

That was the first time I saw 'appro JRD'. Appro

means 'our' in Gujarati. This was the affectionate

term by which people at Bombay House called

him.

I was feeling very nervous, remembering my

postcard episode. SM introduced me nicely, 'Jeh

(that's what his close associates called him), this

young woman is an engineer and that too a

postgraduate.

She is the first woman to work on the Telco

shop

floor.' JRD looked at me. I was praying he would

not ask me any questions about my interview (or

the postcard that preceded it).

Thankfully, he didn't. Instead, he remarked. 'It

is

nice that girls are getting into engineering in our

country. By the way, what is your name?'

'When I joined Telco I was Sudha Kulkarni, Sir,' I

replied. 'Now I am Sudha Murthy.' He smiled

and

kindly smile and started a discussion with SM. As

for me, I almost ran out of the room.

After that I used to see JRD on and off. He was

the Tata Group chairman and I was merely an

engineer. There was nothing that we had in

common. I was in awe of him.

One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband,

to pick me up after office hours. To my surprise

I

saw JRD standing next to me. I did not know

how

to react. Yet again I started worrying about that

postcard. Looking back, I realize JRD had

forgotten about it. It must have been a small

incident for him, but not so for me.

'Young lady, why are you here?' he asked. 'Office

time is over.' I said, 'Sir, I'm waiting for my

husband to come and pick me up.' JRD said, 'It

is

getting dark and there's no one in the corridor.

I'll wait with you till your husband comes.'

I was quite used to waiting for Murthy, but

having JRD waiting alongside made me extremely

uncomfortable.

I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I

looked at him. He wore a simple white pant and

shirt. He was old, yet his face was glowing.

There

wasn't any air of superiority about him. I was

thinking, 'Look at this person. He is a chairman,

a

well-respected man in our country and he is

waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee.'

Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called

and said, 'Young lady, tell your husband never to

make his wife wait again.' In 1982 I had to

resign

from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to go, but

I

really did not have a choice. I was coming down

the steps of Bombay House after wrapping up

my

final settlement when I saw JRD coming up. He

was absorbed in thought. I wanted to say

goodbye to him, so I stopped. He saw me and

paused.

Gently, he said, 'So what are you doing, Mrs.

Kulkarni?' (That was the way he always

addressed

me.) 'Sir, I am leaving Telco.'

'Where are you going?' he asked. 'Pune, Sir. My

husband is starting a company called Infosys

and

I'm shifting to Pune.'

'Oh! And what will you do when you are

successful.'

'Sir, I don't know whether we will be successful.'

'Never start with diffidence,' he advised me

'Always start with confidence. When you are

successful you must give back to society. Society

gives us so much; we must reciprocate. Wish

you

all the best.'

Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I

stood

there for what seemed like a millennium. That

was the last time I saw him alive.

Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same

Bombay House, occupying the chair JRD once

did.

I told him of my many sweet memories of

working with Telco. Later, he wrote to me, 'It

was

nice hearing about Jeh from you.

The sad part is that he's not alive to see you

today.'

I consider JRD a great man because, despite

being

an extremely busy person, he valued one

postcard written by a young girl seeking justice.

He must have received thousands of letters

everyday. He could have thrown mine away, but

he didn't do that. He respected the intentions of

that unknown girl, who had neither influence

nor

money, and gave her an opportunity in his

company. He did not merely give her a job; he

changed her life and mindset forever.

Close to 50 per cent of the students in today's

engineering colleges are girls. And there are

women on the shop floor in many industry

segments. I see these changes and I think of JRD.

If at all time stops and asks me what I want

from

life, I would say I wish JRD were alive today to

see how the company we started has grown. He

would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly.

My love and respect for the House of Tata

remains undiminished by the passage of time. I

always looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role

model for his simplicity, his generosity, his

kindness and the care he took of his employees.

Those blue eyes always reminded me of the sky;

they had the same vastness and magnificence.

(Sudha Murthy is a widely published writer and

chairperson of the Infosys Foundation involved

in

a number of social development initiatives.

Infosys chairman Narayana Murthy is her

husband.)

Article sourced from: Lasting Legacies (Tata

Review- Special Commemorative Issue 2004),

brought out by the house of Tatas to

commemorate the 100th birth anniversary of

JRD

Tata on July 29, 2004

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Rosh Community Regular

Rosh

Posted
Posted

height of blackmail

 

A BEGGAR SITTING ON THE ROAD

WITH A BOARD THAT SAYS:

"GIVE ME SOME MONEY OR I'LL

VOTE FOR CONGRESS AGAIN &

YOU WILL SIT NEXT TO ME"

A few sarcastic yet funny replies to sexpert queries frm mumbai mirror:

 

Q: After having sex four times a day, I feel weak the next day. For about five minutes, my vision goes blank and I cant see anything properly. Please help.

 

A: What do you expect? Shouts of hurray and I am a champion all over town?

 

Q: Is it safe if penis is kept in the vagina when sleeping?

 

A: Usually when the penis returns to flaccid state, it will slide out of the vagina. Even if does not, be rest assured the vagina will not have it for breakfast.

 

Q. I am a 36-year-old man. Six months ago I had sex with a housewife. Then, I made as many as 220 strokes in the 40 minus of our intercourse. Today, I could only reach 180 in the same time. Please reply. I am worried.

 

A: Do take part in the Commonwealth Games since you seem like an athlete. My advice is to enjoy the act and stop counting. Do give a thought to whether you are satisfying your partner or not!

 

Q: I am a 25-year-old man. My penis is short and small in diameter. When aroused, its size increases to resemble a ¾ inch PVC pipe. I have heard that there are capsules available that help increase the size. Please advise.

 

A: As plenty of water can pass through a PVC pipe, similarly more than enough semen can pass out of your penis.

 

Q: I have heard that any kind of acidic substance can prevent pregnancy. Can I pour some drops of lemon or orange juice in my girlfriends vagina after the intercourse? Will it harm her?

 

A: Are you a bhel puri vendor? Where did you get this weird idea from? There are many other safe and easy methods of birth control.

You can consider using a condom.

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