Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread

Rosh · September 13, 2013

Dukhi girlfriend ne apne bewafa boyfriend ke liye shayari likhi:

Phoolon ka raja.., baharon ka shehzada..;

32 ko 36 karke chala gaya haramzada...😜

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

Racism!

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

In London, a customer asked,"Do you have "Sarso Da Tel?"

The shopkeeper says "are you a "Sardar"?

The guy, clearly offended, says,"Yes I am...But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Olive Oil, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?

The shopkeeper says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Sarso Da Tel, why did you ask if I am a Sardar?"

The shopkeeper replied,

Because, you are in a "wine shop"..😝😜😛

U can't beat this-!

Manager- Hamara Bank aapko bina interest ke loan de raha hai

Santa- Jab dene mein interest hi nahi hai to kyon de rahe ho?

Nahi chahiye! 😝

Rosh · September 13, 2013

Two lions escape from a zoo. One of the lions had been captured from the jungle, so he runs back to the jungle. The other was born in the zoo itself - so is basically a city-slicker. He vanishes into the city.

Three days later the jungle-lion is recaptured - and returned to the zoo. A month passes, then two, three..... but city-lion is not traceable! Finally, after six months later the city-lion is also recaptured and brought back to the zoo.

Jungle-lion is amazed to see his friend. Jungle-lion: For God's sake, how were you able to evade these guys for 6 whole months?!

City-lion: Kuchh nahi yaar! I just went to a government department, and hid behind a huge pile of dusty files that they have there.

Jungle-lion: But what did you eat there? City-lion: Arrey, there was an unlimited supply of govt servants. Whenever I ate one, they hired five more. Nobody did any work anyway, so nobody missed the ones I ate.

Jungle-lion: Wow! But, then how did you get caught?

City-lion: Galti kar gaya yaar... One day I ate the chai-walla. The whole office stopped working. They launched massive hunt fr the Chaiwala. And I got caught!

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

you may pass this along to someone else to share the lesson

Wife is wife😜😜

Forward this at your risk😝😝sender of this is not responsible for👊👊

Wife: Zara kitchen se namak lete aana....

Husband: Yahan toh koi namak nahin hai😥😥

Wife: Mujhe pata tha! Tum toh ho hi andhe! Kaamchor ho 😁😁

Bas bahane banate ho ! Tumhe nahin milega. Iss liye, pehle hi le aayi thi😝😝

Husband shocked😷😷

Wife rocks😜😜😜

Heart touching must read-

Ek din ek ladke ki girlfriend ka BIRTHDAY tha. Boy was not in that city. So, he ordered 24 RED ROSES for his girlfriend. He called her up. Dear maine tumhare liye utne ROSES bheje hain jitni saal ki tum ho gayi ho.

While delivering florist thought: Ye aajka mera sabse achha customer hai. Chalo ise 10 ROSES FREE mein de deta hoon. So, he gave 34 instead of 24.b

Aur aaj tak ladka nahi samajh paya ki uska BREAK-UP kyoon hua..! 😖😖😖😖😀😀😀

A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.

Was the necklace FAKE? - No

That was the deal 😜

2⃣

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook!!

3⃣

Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :

"Please Do Not Disturb me,