Big Boss Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Sigh, I dont know what to say. She doesn't respect your work, your hobby, doesn't give a sh*t about your work. Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avkash Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Thank you SO MUCH for that and yeah I speak with her about her work EVERYDAY. My first question when I get back home is "How was your day" Also, yes, she has to suck up with a lot of sh*t, and I have always been there for her, but you know what the most twisted part about that is, even though I might've heard her sulk and cry and bitch about other teachers and heard about her problems and offered solutions, etc., she has NEVER EVEN ONCE asked me the same question, "How was your day". Don't you think that makes me sad? Believe it or not, she once actually literally said, "She doesn't give a sh*t about my work" and that she thinks "that my work is quite easy since I know English" and that she's the only person here who does "real hard work" around here, managing work and house at the same time. Yup!!! I sometimes think I should've stuck with my demand back then that the girl am supposed to marry "should be able to speak proper English - MANDATORY" but I got caved in I really think if a person knows how to speak good English, that that person won't be "narrow minded" and I would be able to bond with that person (at least in my community - Sindhi community). I wish I could show her all the amazing English Hollywood movies that am able to enjoy and how pathetic the Indian TV shows and Bollywood movies really are compared to US and UK shows and movies, but I think that's just my bad luck. Bold 1 - Maybe she feels that she does not know English so she is kinda inferior to others, it sure seems that way, help her out. Bold 2 - That is correct as hell - working women are no less than Superman, I totally agree Bold 3 - Seriously how wrong is that attitude, you should not think like that, not at all. I know a lot of people who do not even know Hindi properly but are very liberal and a lot of the affluent English speaking who are such a bitch. English speaking is the last thing that makes people open minded. Bold 4 - Wrong again - there is a lot of garbage English cinema and TV, you just ignore it. I think the biggest problem here is English, she thinks she is a lesser being because she does not know and you think almost similarly. So wrong. Help her out man. Teach her. It is not tough. It will bring the two of you closer than you have ever been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Boss Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 It is not about she knows English or not. She doesn't respect his job. She thinks just by knowing English he can do that. How absurd is that? Surely people who dont know English will understand that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avkash Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 you are not getting it, she thinks that his job is easier because he knows English. Clearly she thinks that knowing English helps a lot. Maybe she is very sad that she does not know it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DishuBOSS Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Thank you SO MUCH for that and yeah I speak with her about her work EVERYDAY. My first question when I get back home is "How was your day" Also, yes, she has to suck up with a lot of sh*t, and I have always been there for her, but you know what the most twisted part about that is, even though I might've heard her sulk and cry and bitch about other teachers and heard about her problems and offered solutions, etc., she has NEVER EVEN ONCE asked me the same question, "How was your day". Don't you think that makes me sad? Believe it or not, she once actually literally said, "She doesn't give a sh*t about my work" and that she thinks "that my work is quite easy since I know English" and that she's the only person here who does "real hard work" around here, managing work and house at the same time. FACT - My monthly earnings are 7 times that of hers. Yup!!! I sometimes think I should've stuck with my demand back then that the girl am supposed to marry "should be able to speak proper English - MANDATORY" but I got caved in I really think if a person knows how to speak good English, that that person won't be "narrow minded" and I would be able to bond with that person (at least in my community - Sindhi community). I wish I could show her all the amazing English Hollywood movies that am able to enjoy and how pathetic the Indian TV shows and Bollywood movies really are compared to US and UK shows and movies, but I think that's just my bad luck. Brother THAT is your problem right there !!! I was thinking she was intimidated by her colleagues but I was wrong... its clearly YOU who is making her feel insecure. She is not well versed with a language that is being hailed in this country right now.. you yourself just said, "I really think if a person knows how to speak good English, that that person won't be "narrow minded" and I would be able to bond with that person". Are you sure you never brought this in any argument ??? Because I think she feels that you dont respect her enough because of lack of the language. Other than that, English doesnt make a person broad or narrow minded.. its the upbringing and the personality that decides what kind of person you are going to be. Try to understand her problem.. she think you are good with English and so what you do is really easy for you. You just read a few documents .. provide a few people (she has never seen) with some feedback and voila money appears in your account every month. I am not saying its your fault.. because its not ! it is just that your wife wants to prove to you that she is as good as you (or even better). Her folks are not computer literate so I am guessing English is an alien language in your sasural too. This is a clear case of simple personality complex (this theory is now obsolete but still holds true). She feels that you feel she is not the right person for you.. and so she has developed a defense mechanism in which she blames you for everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avkash Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 this man is so correct, I am sure your wife/GF/sister/mother love you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dylanjosh Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 what has the method of meeting the girl has to do with all thisThey don't seem compatible on some key levels. So I suspected it. That's all. Anyway, Gaara, we have a "Marriage Thread" or "Married People" thread here on IVG. Search for it. You might get some good advice there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazekage Gaara Posted March 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Bold 1 - Maybe she feels that she does not know English so she is kinda inferior to others, it sure seems that way, help her out.Trust me, I've been trying my very best to teach her English. Believe it or not, she is a graduate, but up till her 10th Std (S.S.C.), she was in Sindhi medium school, so English can be hard for her and I know that.Bold 2 - That is correct as hell - working women are no less than Superman, I totally agreeI totally agree and I really appreciate what she does, but does she appreciate what I do? Dude, reaching at the office at 8 a.m. and working till 5 p.m. and then coming back home at 7 p.m. and again sitting on the computer and working till sometimes even 2 a.m. is not a joke. Does she appreciate that?Bold 3 - Seriously how wrong is that attitude, you should not think like that, not at all. I know a lot of people who do not even know Hindi properly but are very liberal and a lot of the affluent English speaking who are such a bitch. English speaking is the last thing that makes people open minded.Dude, I totally agree but you have no idea how narrow minded women can be in Sindhi community, and hence my "criteria" back then for the girl to speak English was the only way to make sure that AT LEAST she won't be as narrow minded and uninformatively stupid as the rest of the Sindhi women are.Bold 4 - Wrong again - there is a lot of garbage English cinema and TV, you just ignore it.I know but there are so many MANY gems I think the biggest problem here is English, she thinks she is a lesser being because she does not know and you think almost similarly. So wrong. Help her out man. Teach her. It is not tough. It will bring the two of you closer than you have ever been.I really don't think English is the problem here. I've made my peace with it and I've accepted her as she is. I've been trying to teach her English since the past 2 years we've been married, but she just says she starts feeling a headache and her "brain shuts off". I've even told her numerous times that it's just a mind-block and that once you overcome that mind-block, you'll be able to learn good English. Anyways, thanx a lot for all the help guys. Really appreciate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avkash Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Good to know that you are trying. Trust me it would mean a lot to her, even if she does not show it. Do not give up, keep her motivated. She will definitely understand some time soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemo Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Bold 1 - Maybe she feels that she does not know English so she is kinda inferior to others, it sure seems that way, help her out. Bold 2 - That is correct as hell - working women are no less than Superman, I totally agree Bold 3 - Seriously how wrong is that attitude, you should not think like that, not at all. I know a lot of people who do not even know Hindi properly but are very liberal and a lot of the affluent English speaking who are such a bitch. English speaking is the last thing that makes people open minded. Bold 4 - Wrong again - there is a lot of garbage English cinema and TV, you just ignore it. I think the biggest problem here is English, she thinks she is a lesser being because she does not know and you think almost similarly. So wrong. Help her out man. Teach her. It is not tough. It will bring the two of you closer than you have ever been. +100 to all, except the second part about women = superman. Women and Men are equal and are good and bad in their own ways, no one is totally superior to other. Also Kazekage Gaara man, i feel sad about your attitude about non english speaking people or those who are not fluent in it. No doubt english is global language and is must for everyone to learn for better opportunities and confidence but it learning it should not come with a disdainful attitude towards one's mother tongue. No language is inferior to other and as long as it has ha history of written text, every language is full with rich and deep works that mould a person's personality and thinking for the better. I don't know if you guys are native in marathi or hindi but if it is the latter than i can assure that hindi is no less rich than english when it comes to expressive, though provoking and introspective literary or visual works. I really hate it when people consider hindi as inferior or exclusively hindi speaking people as uneducated. Proficiency (or attest a working knowledge of) in hindi and english are not mutually exclusive. Most if not all of continental europe and east asian countries are fiercely proud of their native language and they are amongst the most advanced nations (japan, france, germany) yet we somehow have acquired the notion about being ashamed of our culture. See English Vinglish movie. I assure you, it will at some level help you connect to the (supposed) turmoil of your wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemo Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Brother THAT is your problem right there !!! ................ .................. She feels that you feel she is not the right person for you.. and so she has developed a defense mechanism in which she blames you for everything. Truer words have never been spoken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALPHA17 Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Sindhi. Now I am scared for myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DishuBOSS Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Kazekage Gaara man, i feel sad about your attitude about non english speaking people or those who are not fluent in it. No doubt english is global language and is must for everyone to learn for better opportunities and confidence but it learning it should not come with a disdainful attitude towards one's mother tongue. No language is inferior to other and as long as it has ha history of written text, every language is full with rich and deep works that mould a person's personality and thinking for the better. I don't know if you guys are native in marathi or hindi but if it is the latter than i can assure that hindi is no less rich than english when it comes to expressive, though provoking and introspective literary or visual works. I really hate it when people consider hindi as inferior or exclusively hindi speaking people as uneducated. Proficiency (or attest a working knowledge of) in hindi and english are not mutually exclusive. Most if not all of continental europe and east asian countries are fiercely proud of their native language and they are amongst the most advanced nations (japan, france, germany) yet we somehow have acquired the notion about being ashamed of our culture. See English Vinglish movie. I assure you, it will at some level help you connect to the (supposed) turmoil of your wife. Yaar koi is bhai ki problem bhi to samjho.. this guy is demotivated and frustrated. Almost all his thoughts are going to be negative and cynical in nature. He says all these things about non english speakers but remember he agreed to marry that girl even when she didnt know the language. This shows how he was before his marriage. But being in a relationship affects people and so he is becoming a bit cynical. He says he is trying his best to teach her English... WHY ??? So that she could stop watching the saas bahu dramas and enjoy hollywood movies/shows with him. But after the lesson she just turns on the TV.. and starts watching the saas bahu back again. BACK TO SQUARE ONE ! I would have been giving myself the biggest facepalms if I were him. And Avkash is right.. your wife just needs to realize that you love her and she will start respecting you too You are a good man Gaara.. keep this goodness alive and motivate her to love herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazekage Gaara Posted March 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Brother THAT is your problem right there !!! I was thinking she was intimidated by her colleagues but I was wrong... its clearly YOU who is making her feel insecure. She is not well versed with a language that is being hailed in this country right now.. you yourself just said, "I really think if a person knows how to speak good English, that that person won't be "narrow minded" and I would be able to bond with that person". Are you sure you never brought this in any argument ??? Because I think she feels that you dont respect her enough because of lack of the language. Other than that, English doesnt make a person broad or narrow minded.. its the upbringing and the personality that decides what kind of person you are going to be. Try to understand her problem.. she think you are good with English and so what you do is really easy for you. You just read a few documents .. provide a few people (she has never seen) with some feedback and voila money appears in your account every month. I am not saying its your fault.. because its not ! it is just that your wife wants to prove to you that she is as good as you (or even better). Her folks are not computer literate so I am guessing English is an alien language in your sasural too. This is a clear case of simple personality complex (this theory is now obsolete but still holds true). She feels that you feel she is not the right person for you.. and so she has developed a defense mechanism in which she blames you for everything. You sir are REALLY GOOD. Thanx a lot for the advice You should be a psychiatrist or something Trust me, am trying my best to resolve all this and be supportive of my wife. I even tell her once she learns how to speak English, she will be the BEST TEACHER in the whole world +100 to all, except the second part about women = superman. Women and Men are equal and are good and bad in their own ways, no one is totally superior to other. Also Kazekage Gaara man, i feel sad about your attitude about non english speaking people or those who are not fluent in it. No doubt english is global language and is must for everyone to learn for better opportunities and confidence but it learning it should not come with a disdainful attitude towards one's mother tongue. No language is inferior to other and as long as it has ha history of written text, every language is full with rich and deep works that mould a person's personality and thinking for the better. I don't know if you guys are native in marathi or hindi but if it is the latter than i can assure that hindi is no less rich than english when it comes to expressive, though provoking and introspective literary or visual works. I really hate it when people consider hindi as inferior or exclusively hindi speaking people as uneducated. Proficiency (or attest a working knowledge of) in hindi and english are not mutually exclusive. Most if not all of continental europe and east asian countries are fiercely proud of their native language and they are amongst the most advanced nations (japan, france, germany) yet we somehow have acquired the notion about being ashamed of our culture. See English Vinglish movie. I assure you, it will at some level help you connect to the (supposed) turmoil of your wife. Nahin yaar. I really don't think that way. Trust me, if you met me in person, you really wouldn't think that way. I am proud to be a Sindhi. In fact, I actually literally scold any and all of my relatives for not teaching their kids their own mother tongue. I made English as my marriage criteria only coz, and I quote... Dude, I totally agree but you have no idea how narrow minded women can be in Sindhi community, and hence my "criteria" back then for the girl to speak English was the only way to make sure that AT LEAST she won't be as narrow minded and uninformatively stupid as the rest of the Sindhi women are.Main sirf ek try mar raha tha Yaar koi is bhai ki problem bhi to samjho.. this guy is demotivated and frustrated. Almost all his thoughts are going to be negative and cynical in nature. He says all these things about non english speakers but remember he agreed to marry that girl even when she didnt know the language. This shows how he was before his marriage. But being in a relationship affects people and so he is becoming a bit cynical. He says he is trying his best to teach her English... WHY ??? So that she could stop watching the saas bahu dramas and enjoy hollywood movies/shows with him. But after the lesson she just turns on the TV.. and starts watching the saas bahu back again. BACK TO SQUARE ONE ! I would have been giving myself the biggest facepalms if I were him. And Avkash is right.. your wife just needs to realize that you love her and she will start respecting you too You are a good man Gaara.. keep this goodness alive and motivate her to love herself. THANK YOU...THANK YOU. Couldn't have said it better. Sometimes I think itna kuch karne ke baad bhi samnewala mujhse aisi baat karta hai to phir to height hai yaar. Sala main hi ek idiot bacha hun kya who is trying so hard? Sorry for the bad words, couldn't stop myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DishuBOSS Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 this man is so correct, I am sure your wife/GF/sister/mother love you Maalik mere post kar paane se pehle aapne hi saare analysis de diye So.. Right back at ya ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemo Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 I really don't think English is the problem here. I've made my peace with it and I've accepted her as she is. I've been trying to teach her English since the past 2 years we've been married, but she just says she starts feeling a headache and her "brain shuts off". I've even told her numerous times that it's just a mind-block and that once you overcome that mind-block, you'll be able to learn good English. Anyways, thanx a lot for all the help guys. Really appreciate it I understand you brother, but part of the problem is that (and i am only guessing here) that while for you the problem may have been solved but it still may not be apparent to her. Moreover the fact that you don't even seem to acknowledge that there is a problem (you are doing it with noble intentions, am sure) infuriates here even more, that her inferiority complex is not worth giving so much as a thought by you could be eating her up. Among all this, she sees you trying to- A. teach her english and B. spend your time watching english movies and games while not watching regional language shows with her, and it comes off as an intention of either arrogance or worse, mocking. You should try some time talking to her about the kind of literature, movies etc she likes and have some discussions or viewings about/of them, get her to believe that you respect her choices and then nudge her towards learning english. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DishuBOSS Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 You sir are REALLY GOOD. Thanx a lot for the advice You should be a psychiatrist or something I WAS.. but one of my clients sued me for sharing her confidential session notes and I got my license scrapped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazekage Gaara Posted March 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 I understand you brother, but part of the problem is that (and i am only guessing here) that while for you the problem may have been solved but it still may not be apparent to her. Moreover the fact that you don't even seem to acknowledge that there is a problem (you are doing it with noble intentions, am sure) infuriates here even more, that her inferiority complex is not worth giving so much as a thought by you could be eating her up. Among all this, she sees you trying to- A. teach her english and B. spend your time watching english movies and games while not watching regional language shows with her, and it comes off as an intention of either arrogance or worse, mocking. You should try some time talking to her about the kind of literature, movies etc she likes and have some discussions or viewings about/of them, get her to believe that you respect her choices and then nudge her towards learning english. Believe it or not, I watch those stupid shows with her just so I can spend time with her. Ask me any query about the show "Kya Huaa Tera Vaada" and "Bade Achhe Lagte Hain" and I'll be able to tell you right here, right now, without even googling I even download them off Youtube for her in case she misses any episodes and watch them on the computer LCD coz she can't operate the PC herself I take her to hindi movies, the stupid ones and the good ones. Now doesn't that say am trying my best ? Ignoring her is the last thing I wanna do I WAS.. but one of my clients sued me for sharing her confidential session notes and I got my license scrapped Ooooo, that's bad. Sorry to hear that. Since I am in the Medical Transcription business, I know what you're talking about. Patient confidentiality is taken VERY SERIOUSLY in my business. By the way, is there anyway to get it back ? You're really good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Boss Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Whenever my wife starts daily soaps/hindi movies and still wants me to sit near her, I make so much fun of the serials that she pushes me to gaming room and asks me to play the games. (yeah there is a separate gaming room ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazekage Gaara Posted March 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Whenever my wife starts daily soaps/hindi movies and still wants me to sit near her, I make so much fun of the serials that she pushes me to gaming room and asks me to play the games. (yeah there is a separate gaming room )Now imagine the torture going in my mind when I sit down with her just so she doesn't feel she's alone By the way, I also do make a lot of fun of her shows and we laugh out loud together (some of the best moments of my life) She pushes me to gaming room and asks me to play the games. (yeah there is a separate gaming room )Yeah, am thinking of doing the same. The 1BHK we bought has an extra open terrace (close to 32 sq. ft carpet), which has been covered grill, etc., and I've decided to make that my computer/gaming room Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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