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How do you handle a friend who screwed you over ?


Ne0

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OK, I don't want to get into too much details, but a friend screwed me over at work today, or at least I thought he was a good friend. I mean, he was a good buddy, we got along well at office and all that, and out of the blue, in a meeting today, I totally got blindsided. Maybe he was trying to be good to the boss or whatever, now my dilemma is , how do I handle this situation ? Do I make obvious I'm pissed off at him by avoiding him at work/parties etc ? Or do I just continue as everything is normal ?

 

I'm sure many of you might have been in this situation where someone you thought a friend suddenly screws you over out of the blue ? How do you handle it ? I can go out and confront him, but I think it'll end the friendship anyway, and the worst part is it'll turn the office environment sour as well. I mean, we have to be professional at the end of the day, and I need to continue working with this guy. Moreover he's another Indian, and here in this foreign country where i work, friends are hard to come by at office, mainly due to the language issue.

 

Not trying to be a drama queen, but just want some opinions :P

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I really think you should handle the situation professionally, but also keep in mind that you've gotta be your natural real self.. There are ways where you could express your dislikes without damaging the relationship. Being natural and speaking out at the right moment could really make a difference.

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OK, I don't want to get into too much details, but a friend screwed me over at work today, or at least I thought he was a good friend. I mean, he was a good buddy, we got along well at office and all that, and out of the blue, in a meeting today, I totally got blindsided. Maybe he was trying to be good to the boss or whatever, now my dilemma is , how do I handle this situation ? Do I make obvious I'm pissed off at him by avoiding him at work/parties etc ? Or do I just continue as everything is normal ?

 

I'm sure many of you might have been in this situation where someone you thought a friend suddenly screws you over out of the blue ? How do you handle it ? I can go out and confront him, but I think it'll end the friendship anyway, and the worst part is it'll turn the office environment sour as well. I mean, we have to be professional at the end of the day, and I need to continue working with this guy. Moreover he's another Indian, and here in this foreign country where i work, friends are hard to come by at office, mainly due to the language issue.

 

Not trying to be a drama queen, but just want some opinions :P

Just talk to him and tell him that you didn't expect him to do what he did. If he apologizes and explains himself, then things will just go back to normal. If he doesn't, just do your best to avoid thinking about it, and just move on with life like normal. You said you'd like to be professional since it's an office environment, so just go about your work as usual, and just make sure you don't put so much trust in him next time.

Please don't take the option of "make obvious that I'm pissed off at him by avoiding him at work/parties etc ?". Both of you are professionals, and I'm sure you'll be able to have a reasonable and mature conversation to sort whatever issues you have. Good luck :cheers:

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Its your call brother.

You have many options to consider; you can confront him straight away, you can be sneaky and start ruining him behind his back, also, you can wait for the right moment and deliver a tight slap (figuratively) in his face, could let him know that you are not going to trust him with anything and keep your distance or you could just let it go.

 

Depends on how much you need this guy. Its not like he is the only Indian working with you.. and even if he IS.. you dont need him. All you need is yourself and some 'good friends' who care about you and are not just some backstabbing bastards.

 

Since he is the one who was the beech, you dont need to worry about 'ruining your friendship'. People like him deserve to get their a*s kicked. HARD!

But you also mentioned that you need to continue working with this guy, so here is what I learned from a guy named Michael Westen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Westen), "Professionalism is to look a guy who has ruined you life in the eyes and be able to say willingly, 'Lets work together.'"

 

So take your time, decide with a cool head and do what you think is right :)

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First things first, were you two really that close in friendship ? Like jai-veeru types ? maybe you considered him a friend but to him you were just a brown face in korea ? If it is that then him screwing you could very well mean and i quote the godfather- "nothing personal, just business". In this case you should not take it to heart and be professional about realizing that you could have done the same if roles were reversed (could you ? i dont know, but as per me i am a very selfish person tbh), just go about your normal business.

 

If how ever, you two were quite close, this betrayal will hurt, If it is so then you should have an isolated face to face talk, no shouting or fisticuffs (unless necessary in self defense), just firm passing of message that you are aware what he did and it is not at all moral considering your history together. Tell him that you have broken his trust and you arent sure if hanging together will be a good idea. Be professional but maintain distance beyond necessary interactions.

 

 

 

All in all, it is up to you. How willing are you to forgive and forget. How big was the betrayal, how much of a history you had and how much you need him as an indian connection in a foreign land. My advice does look odd in the way that i am advocating taking a break if the friendship bond was strong instead of opposite but trust me, having a friend screw you over is way worse than having a casual acquaintance do that.

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All depends on how what level did u r friend screwed u and did he actually do it for right professional reasons. Some people value professional integrity over friendships and there is nothing wrong about it.

If he did surprise you then talk to him about it, but don't break your friendship completely with him, instead downgrade your relationship and keep it to casual talks, greetings and professional relationship. No more hanging out etc etc . Having difference of opinion and fights(verbal and physical) in friendship is OK, but betrayal and backstabbing in friendship is inexcusable.

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I am inept while handling matters like these, but here's something that maybe correct.

Just be professional, act normal, do everything as normal as possible professionally, but remember what he did, don't be mad or angry, just be natural. If he asks you to party etc, just make a proper excuse and all. Don't let him feel that you were disappointed/ angry, while with him personally always maintain your flag variable =1 when dealing with him.

 

See the magic :fear:

 

A famous man once said, "Forgive but don't forget"

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If I were you I would just be cool and keep in mind that I cannot trust this guy much.

But then you are not me, you can take your call but according to me there is no point going and talking to him. If he feels he has done wrong he will apologise himself. Else he will not, even if you talk about it. That is the way I see it anyways.

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Consider it as a lesson learned. Be careful next time.

 

But yeah man, it really sucks.

 

Also, this is one of the reasons why I try not to get very friendly with office mates. I tend to keep my distance.

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Also, this is one of the reasons why I try not to get very friendly with office mates. I tend to keep my distance.

True. Once in a while you may make a good friend in office but that is really rare. I believe the best friends are made in school and colleges, especially hostels :)

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It is true that "Friends are hard to come by at office" but you do not want a friend who will screw you. Just behave professionally, have a talk with him(just like Somebody suggested above). He might find himself in a difficult position at that time and apologises to avoid that moment. Just be extra cautious in the future.

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Just go and flatten his car tires when no one is looking make a vide of him changing the tyres and upload it on Youtube and tag your boss :P

 

oh damn the quality of thread these days... :P

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Thanks for all the replies guys, couldn't reply yest, it was late and went to bed....but appreciate all the suggestions : cheers:

 

@nemo,we were not like sholay buddies, but we visited each other at home, families knew each other etc.

 

@Tyler, true dat man, that's how I'm usually, but in a foreign land , sometimes we Indians tend to stick together more I guess, but yeah lesson learned....

 

All depends on how what level did u r friend screwed u and did he actually do it for right professional reasons. Some people value professional integrity over friendships and there is nothing wrong about it.

The thing is it was nothing related to integrity at all. It was more like he was just trying to put me down to make himself look good in front of the boss....

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If you have a good sense of humor then crack some funny jokes(like how a friend would) about him in front of your boss and colleagues while he's around. Keep pulling his leg when he'd actually be expecting you to keep your distance. This will drive him nuts and he'll eventually land himself in trouble by doing something stupid behind your back. This has worked for me in the past.

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Well I have been through similar phase, and here is I think:

 

1. He is NOT your friend. He was just being nice to you and wanted an accomplice in a foreign country. That's it. Friends dont screw you over like this.

 

2. If he would have been your friend, he should have apologized by now. He hasn't, means he is not even 1% regretting what he did. Also beware of fake apology.

 

3. Don't avoid him. Just mention it casually "Man, you didn't do good there. Should have told me" and try to be strictly professional from now on. You might become lonely, but he will too. Deal with it.

 

4. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Dish it out when time comes.

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