Jokes and Funny Stuff Thread

[Heaven Angel]

[sagarjalvi]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrXqQ_edjzM

 

check this guy

[Nemo]

oh that was great !! awesome find jalvi

[sagarjalvi]

I cracked up so f**ckin hard when he did Jay Z :rofl:

[Spacescreamer]

yaani ki aap karein to chamatkar aur hum karein to bal@tk@@r?

 

How does it differ if you are buying a phone made in china for Nokia vs buying a phone made in china for their own ching-poing-li?

 

Wth man? Wot sorta new level of comprehension fail is that...?

 

Is nokia a chinese company??

How can u compare the revenue of decoration lights that u find during diwali which comes from china's local industry and whose revenue goes wholly back into their economy vs stuff which brands like nokia are getting made?

 

And where have i mentioned i purchase the chinese products?

Wherever possible i purchase products made in other parts of the world than the chinese goods.

Edited May 6, 2013 by Spacescreamer

[DinJo]

China is the largest producer of electronics goods , even the goods sold in US are made in China only QA is done in California.

[Bhushan]

[Sapola]

 

Eh? From where did that interpretation come from??

 

I said that we cannot avoid the products of companies like nokia as they have their manufacturing plants in china.. but these are not like 100% going into the pocket of the chinese. the plants take a cut in a way..

 

I was referring to the small scale industries of china which flood our mkts with their cheap products and people gen fall for them owing to their low pricing. We should most def try not to purchase them. A reduction in their demand will def hit their industries' profit. More so, these small scale industries have to show profit else they perish the very next fiscal year.. all the more reason to kick away their dumping policies.

They supply because we have demand.

Because its much easier doing import and distribution then manufacturing stuff in India. Middlemen/importers make all that money.

And our stuff is way behind, its not about quality we simply cannot produce those things. Those Diwali decoration stuff, I never saw that in India until we started getting them from China.

In fact the fireworks, which is now slowly started coming from China thru backdoor is way superior than India produce.

 

What worries me is that our growing dependence on food products, like onion, garlic, potatoes. We shouldnt trust chinese on that, besides use of unknown pesticides, the genetic modification is a definite possibility.

Plus our farmers who are eating away thoudands of acres of forest land and not paying a dime as tax should made responsible to cover the food demand.

Edited May 6, 2013 by Udham

[Spacescreamer]

They supply because we have demand.

Because its much easier doing import and distribution then manufacturing stuff in India. Middlemen/importers make all that money.

And our stuff is way behind, its not about quality we simply cannot produce those things. Those Diwali decoration stuff, I never saw that in India until we started getting them from China.

In fact the fireworks, which is now slowly started coming from China thru backdoor is way superior than India produce.

 

What worries me is that our growing dependence on food products, like onion, garlic, potatoes. We shouldnt trust chinese on that, besides use of unknown pesticides, the genetic modification is a definite possibility.

Plus our farmers who are eating away thoudands of acres of forest land and not paying a dime as tax should made responsible to cover the food demand.

 

 

Yes ofc we have a demand and only then things get sold.

 

But quite frankly, do we have that crazy demands for every stupid fancy thing chinese? The ear muffs which people wear in the winters thinking they do it so stylishly.. the ones chinese local industry supplies.. They are actually for DOGS. (you read that right)

Did we had a demand for that? They just threw it in the mkt and people picked em up like crazy.

 

There has to be some strong policy to keep chinese things upto a limit. The hideous thing is that u pick up something related to religious importance and there in the corner u have written as "Made in china"!

The very same thing will be kept alongside which ll be made in India, but people will merrily pick up the cheap thing cuz its light on ur pocket. That is the issue which really is disturbing. Same thing will threaten the firecrackers from Sivakasi.

 

Even during the heightened tension, somebody sees the UMI x2 fone on ebay and cuz its dirt cheap.. lets pick it up.

 

I guess the Indians have this wired in them.Give them discount, take away product's longevity and they ll come to u in hordes.

[Sapola]

Don't you see India has become buyers market, malls are like weekend pilgrimage.

One cannot stop this. You restrict this and next morning your sabjee will not have onions. Or people shivering in winter will not have dog earmuffs.

 

What you have to restrict is the companies which are just importing and branding chinese stuff. Put a leash on that.

Stop importing agro products completely.

[Iceman™]

1) Maut aur t*tti, kabhi bhi aa sakti hain.

2) Saamp aur ch*t, jahaan bhi milen maar do.

3) Zindagi aur jha*nt uljhe hue hain, use suljhane ki koshish mat karna.

4) Samay aur idiot, sab ka kat ta hain.

5) Achi piyo kharab piyo, jab bhi piyo sharaabpiyo.

6) Paani aur l*nd, apna rasta khud doond lete hain.

7) Beewi aur gaadi, doosre ko doge to ch*d kar hi wapas ayenge.

8) Suwar ke bachche, chote hi achche lagte hain.

9) Doodh aur g*and, jab phatthe hain to aawaaz nahi aati.

10) Rocket aur tharak, aadmi ko kahin bhi le jaa sakte hain.

11) Cho**chiyaan aur jazbaad, jitne dabaao utne hee ubharte hain.

12) Jh*ante aur koylaa, hameshaa sulagte rahte hain.

13) Tootee(tap) aur l*uda, hamesha tadey rehtey hain.

14) ta*tey(Au*tey) jitnaa bhi uchhal lein, rahenge hameshaa l*ude ke neeche hee!

15) Ladki kitni bhi lambi ho, mutegi (piss) to baith ke hi.

16) L*nd ko kitna bhi jhadko, aakhri boond undi(chaddi) mein hi girti hai.

17) Chu*t chahe jitni bhi chodi ho jaye, marni Lu*d se hi padegi.

18) Cho*chiyaan aur khaini, jitna ragdoge utna hi majaa ayega.

19) Ch*t aur Daaru, kabhi bhee jhooti nahi hoti hain.

20) Kutte ko mootne ke liye aur Ladki ko ch*dne ke liye, taang(leg) uthani hi padti hai.

21) Ch*t aur Bhut, Kismat walon ko hi dikhte hain.

22) Naan aur Kutte ka la*da, andar jakar hi phoolte hain.

23) Lohe par Hathoda aur Ch*t par L*da, tabhi maro jab garam ho.

24) Ladki aur Audio cassete, dono side se bajaana chahiye.

25) Exam ki taiyari mein ek ghanta aur daaru mein ek peg, hamesha kum rahte hain.

26) Ch*t saal mein do hi baar maro, ek jis din baarish ho aur doosre us din jab baarish na ho.

27) L*nd aur Ghamand, dono ko kaabu mein rakhne mein hi bhalai hai.

28) Baagi aur mamme , jahan bhee mile , masal dene chahiye.

29) Samay se pahle aur Kismat se achhi idiot, na kisi ko mili hai, na milegi.

30) Jab kismat mein likhe ho l*de, to kahan se! milenge pakode.

31) adami aur chuha hamesha ched ki taraf bhagta hai

32) baasi ch*ot aur purana akhbaar, jahan dikhe faad do!

33) hari jhandi aur r*ndi ko dekte hi bhaag lo!

34) musibat aur l*nd kabhi bhi khada ho sakta hai!

35) Job aur g*and sabki lagti hai.

36) Kamaan se nikala Teer jitna tez ho, aur Ga*d se nikali paad jitni dhire ho utani hi asardar hoti hai!

37) Kamaan se nikala Teer aur g*and se nikla goo kabhi vapas nahin aata hai

38) Jaban aur l*nd dono me haddi nahi hoti!

39) Nayee ch*te ka maza nau din tak hota hai!

40) Admi kitna bhi gora ho, l*nd baki badan se kala hi hota hai!

41) Dusra job aur dusri aurat hardam achi hi lagti hai!

42) Stree se aayu, purush se aay (income), kabhi nahi puchhana chahiye!

43) Bhajan, Bhojan aur Ch*dan hamesha ekaant main karne chahiye.

44) Ch*t aur Boot ko jitna ragdoge utni hi chamak aayegi.

45) Ch*t, Ch*chi aur Ch*lam jitni bhi pio kabhi Jhuti nahin hoti.

46) Maango usi se jo de khushi se aur kahe na kisi se.

47) Jab bhi mile akeli, wo nahin to uski saheli, saheli nahin to apni Hatheli.....but ­ have sex daily.

48) Kismat aur ga*nd kabhi bhi aur kahin bhi mar sakti hai.

49) Ladai aur ch*dai mein sab jaayaj hai.

50) Ga*nd mein dum hai to pachaasva khud nikal lo.

 

Sent from my LT22i using Tapatalk 2

[achilles]

Well. You really can't fault people for buying what they feel is worth their money. Wether it's a 1.5L Macbook pro made in china or a cell phone for 1k which is also made in China.

 

The problem is the laws here which are totally small industry unfriendly. Or, rather, not the laws themselves (they are friendly to some extent), but the govt. employees responsible for so many things involved. It is frustrating beyond measure. I've been facing and tolerating this ugly and stupid and shitty side of India for about a year and a half now and it sometimes tests the limits of sanity, specially when big money is at stake.

 

There was a beautiful dialog in Guru which describes this situation succinctly and aptly. I always end up remembering it.

 

 

Edit: @Udham There is more than enough produce in India to cover everyone. So much of it goes to waste. Much of it is bought out by the govt. as vote bank procession. Farmers are crying daily coz they can't get enough money for their produce coz there is simply too much of it. I know this coz my Grandad owns and operates a large farm.

 

I'll have to read up on why some of these things are being imported.

Edited May 6, 2013 by achilles

[Sapola]

@ach.

The produce is dropping down or its not inline with growing demand.

 

Read this article on oilseeds, how we are encouraging import of something that we can produce locally.

Http://devinder-sharma.blogspot.in/2013/02/how-india-destroyed-its-oilseeds.html?m=1

 

In the long run, this will be proven very dangerous. Our needs will outgrow the produce and we will be importing more and more agro products.

 

The wastage of produce is another big can of worms.

Edited May 6, 2013 by Udham

[godspeed4476]

You cannot stop the business, its not only the cellphones, but other industry like clothing and other electronics that use the same business style i.e. Branding of the goods.

 

Those who are thinking that it is a step taken by China to eradicate Indian Market by dumping, they are way off the chart. Indian companies are the ones who are taking this sound business decision. This is not called dumping. China has become a global manufacturing hub.

 

Also, FFS plz continue the discussion in newsthread or open a new thread, lately every 1 member over here has become an expert and sharing their divine knowledge. Please leave this thread for our lulz.

 

I think you guys are right winged fascists who have been brainwashed by media and you guys do not have any mind of your own.

[Sapola]

Iceman's post is the killer...and reminds everyone that OT cannot be tolerated.

 

Over to news thread.

[achilles]

Oh, yeah, coz it is so hard to scroll down a couple of posts. Coz the thread is sacred. "OMG The lulz must not be disturbed."

 

 

/LarryDavid

Edited May 6, 2013 by achilles

[GameAnalyzer]

Customer:" Waiter aisi chai pilao
jisse tan-
man jhoom uthe aur badan
machalne lage..
.

.
.
.
.
.
Waiter:" Sir, hamare yahan bhains
ka dudh
aata hai,
.
.
.
"SHAKIRA" ka nahin...

[AtheK]

 

 

RECIPE:

 

HOW TO MAKE LOVE

 

Ingredients:

 

4 Laughing eyes

4 Well-shaped legs

4 Loving arms

2 Firm milk containers

2 Nuts

1 soft, warm mixing bowl

1 Firm banana

 

Directions:

 

1. Look into laughing eyes.

2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.

3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.

4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well

creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.

5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts,

leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).

6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat

steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

 

Notes:

 

1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully

after use.

2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.

3. If cake rises, leave town!!!

[sameuun]

mahine mein kitni baar cake khatay ho bhai ?

[AtheK]

Lol, different flavors